I said when I started writing this blog that I would keep away from the controversial topics such as breastfeeding, co-sleeping and health risks during pregnancy..everyone has their own opinion and way of doing things. But this topic is something I went through after having my son and nobody told me anything about it.
THE BABY BLUES!!
My pregnancy was a fairly good one with my son, with the exception of the morning sickness and the fact that he sat on my Sciatic nerve for 5 months of the pregnancy!
We were so happy about being pregnant and considering we are 3 girls in my family were even more surprised and happy to find out we were having a boy! We already had a 10 year old daughter at the time so 1 of each couldnt have been more perfect!
The delightful 9 months passed and the day came at 41 weeks, that my son was ready to make his appearance!
Moments after his birth we were so excited and couldnt believe the time had finally come that we could meet our son! My daughter was so happy to have a baby sibling that she had help us prepare so much for!
After all the adrenaline had settled, I sent Daddy home for a nap, and I was alone with my baby....
Here was this perfect little being, so dependent on us for every one of his needs staring at me.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.....
Dont get me wrong I loved him from the moment I saw him but the thoughts flooded in....
"Will I remember what I need to know??? "
- This was my second baby but my first was 10 years ago...
"Will I be able to have enough time to give to both my children?"
- A newborn is so demanding and needs so much care I was terrified that my daughter would feel left out after having us all to herself for the past 10 years..
"Will I ever sleep again?" When you are up every 2 hours feeding a baby your mind plays tricks on you...I swear there were times I did a feeding at 3 am that I was completely asleep for...
"Will I ever get my life back?"
- As my husband went off to work and my daughter off to school day after day I wondered if I would ever get the chance to go out again. For the first few weeks we stared blankly at the same walls day in and day out and I sometimes thought " What have I gotten myself into?" I longed for times when I could sleep in until 10, I longed for shopping trips that didn't consist of running into the pharmacy to get diapers and running back out..
I was overwhelmed to say the least at the huge change my life had undertaken. After 10 years of freedom to come and go as we pleased many dinners in nice restaurants and whole days of wandering the malls...I was now bound by this adorable little human.
Needless to say that feeling only lasted a few weeks, my new life had made me happier and more grateful for everything I had.
So basically moms its ok to feel like this...having a baby whether it be your first or your 10th is a huge life changing experience, just know that at the end of everyday your kids are what make you who you are! They provide unconditional love, and are my source of sunshine on my darkest days!
I still have some days when I feel down in the dumps ( I think its the winter blues to be honest) But Just a glimpse at my children make me realize I am doing something right!
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